Dear Mr. Prick who stole my pregnant wife’s bike out of the garage our neighbors accidently left open:

That was messed up.  I realize that it has been a while since she has riden the bike.  But, my wife is pregnant, which meant our family rides had to take a hiatus for a little while.  Did you just think we wouldn’t notice the bike missing from the garage?

It was a busy afternoon with lots of foot traffic in front of our street from the Escape from Alcatraz event.  I don’t blame my neighbor below me who shares my garage, I just blame you.  Stealing from a pregnant lady is essentially taking candy from an unborn baby AND its mother.

That bike has plenty of deferred maintenance and I hope that the first time you try taking it on a joy ride to Marin it breaks down, falls in pieces, and you fall off of the Golden Gate Bridge, break every bone in your body,  and drown. 

Ok, maybe that was harsh.  Please just return the bike.